Kohler bidet that takes verbal orders aims to make a splash in the toilet market — here’s the straight poop

Talk dirty to me.

A new artificially intelligent bidet responding to verbal commands aims to make a splash in the toilet market.

Promising a squeaky clean, “hands-free” experience, Kohler’s PureWash E930 is a sentient piece of potty technology that can be vocally activated — via Amazon Alexa or Google Home — to emit a sprinkling of water, air dry your unmentionables, and even activate an ultraviolet-powered self-cleaning mode.

The bowel-blasting breakthrough, spotted at CES 2024, is also equipped with a heated seat, motion activation, and automated deodorization, along with being “ergonomically” shaped for a comfy session.

Butt there’s a catch — the rather steep starting price of $2,149.

Kohler’s latest innovation is, however, good clean fun for the whole family, thanks to a safe mode that can be activated for children, according to marketing manager Maria Evraets.

“That allows even the youngest of users to experience an enhanced clean,” Evraets told The Post.

The tush tickler, which can be preset via the Kholer Konnect app, is currently available in white and biscuit and will be made available in black by late February.

“A unique challenge with PureWash E930 is that our team was focused on developing a really slim profile, which required some creative engineering to fit all of the mechanics of a bidet into a much smaller footprint,” Evraets said.

PureWash E930 is also designed for its bowl to be “automatically misted prior to use for more effective rinsing while flushing,” according to the company.

The royal flush also includes dual front and rear “wash modes” with adjustable pressure and temperature settings.

There is also an LED light for nighttime use along with a quiet close feature, to prevent seat slamming.

The seat also detaches for swift and “convenient cleaning.”